My Canaille in Paradise

Do you remember the first time we met, I wanted to caress you and you showed me your teeth, it was as if you were afraid of men.

And then the second time, you ventured onto my lap and gave me a kiss, that was it, you'd understood that I was going to be your new dad.

12 years of happiness followed.

You must have been 2 years old, but you had already been euthanized. Your owner didn't take care of you, so you wandered around and managed to find enough to eat. From time to time, you'd go and have a meal at the neighbor's. That's where I met you. You'd killed a duck, and that's what made her decide.

My heart couldn't resist and I came home with you. You were immediately accepted by your 3 new brothers, Milou the Welsch, Rambo the shepherd and Tonton the Loulou.

A new life began for you, with food on time, a home to live in and as much petting as you wanted. The beginnings weren't easy; you had to forget the unhappy life you'd had before.

I think, seeing all the love I received from you, that I had succeeded in making you happy.

Every opportunity was good to show me your joy, and of course the reward was my caresses and a little cookie that you adored.

Often, when I was lying on the couch, you'd come and lie in front of me, snuggled up in my arm, and we'd have a cuddle session that sometimes lasted for hours.

Then, in the evening, there was the rivalry to get into my arm when I went to bed. Chouchou was the first, but you often came between him and me, so it's a good thing you were little dogs, otherwise I could have slept on the floor.

Then Chouchou left on his cloud, so you had all the room in the world to yourself. The thousands of kisses I got from you, all I had to do was say a kiss to my Moumoune and it was off to the washroom.

You then had a great love affair with Rambo, and three cute plushies were born, Bijou, Tania and Boby - you know, they'll be 10 years old in September.

And life went on without a hitch until about 1 year ago. You had to be treated for an inflammation of the womb, which was going very well, but overnight your belly had swollen abnormally. I immediately took you to the veterinary clinic where you underwent emergency surgery. You recovered very well from the operation.

Then you started to have some intestinal problems, and yes you were already 13, organs wear out with age. And then the serious problems started. You had an inoperable liver tumor, so you had to go on a diet and take a lot of medication.

I was always afraid you'd start to suffer, but you were still just as you used to be, going to the garden to relieve yourself, still hiding in your favorite flowers.

But that pesky cancer wouldn't leave you in peace; it was beginning to spread. You didn't want to eat except your little steak in the morning and evening, I had to carry you to the garden because you didn't have the strength to go that far anymore, there was blood in your stools, I went back to the clinic but the verdict was in: generalized cancer. We didn't know how much longer you could go on without suffering.

The next day, July 23, 2009, I made an appointment with the clinic to put an end to this life you were having, even without suffering, you were losing weight and I didn't want you to become like a plant. Before going, I took you in my arms on the bed and cried like a child, your head was all soaked.

From time to time, you'd lift your head and give me a few kisses, and I could see in your beautiful eyes that you'd understood that we were going to be separated forever, but I could also see in them that you were thanking me for this final proof of love, that this was what you were asking for, to go with dignity and leave me with a wonderful memory of you.

We left for the clinic around 6.00 pm, and I said my last goodbye to you while the vet did her job. Shit, it was hard to see your pretty eyes close forever, to feel this life going away forever, I never imagined I'd love you so much, my Canaillou, I saw for a moment that the vet had a tear in the corner of her eye when she saw me cry.

You died in my arms with your head on my shoulder, as you liked to do so well.

I wrapped you in a blanket and held you close to my heart, then broke down in tears again as I led you to the car.

Like all your brothers, you now rest in my secret garden, you'll have flowers, I'll visit you every day with tears in my eyes and then in time...

The sadness will go... but you'll stay in my heart forever.

You'll always be my little moumoune who gave me so much friendship, so much love with a sincerity I've never known in a human being. When you gave me a kiss, it wasn't a Judas kiss, but something that only people who love animals can understand.

I still have the love of your 3 little ones and of little Canelle, whom you didn't know very well. None of them will take your place in my heart, I'll never forget you, you're gone too, taking a corner of my heart with you.

I know, in a few months, a few years... but I loved this little hairy girl so much, I have her photo in front of my computer and it seems to me, like Chouchou, she's saying to me :

It's not your fault Francis, I'm crying too, where I am, to be separated from you, but our hearts are united for life (the one you have left without me).

I beg you my dad, never forget me, you were my breath of life and if I could have a second life, it's with you that I'd spend it, I really had a happy life with you, alas much too short.

Farewell my lifelong friend, please don't cry, I'm no longer here to console you, so do me this favor, when you look at my photo, give me a smile... If you can...

Don't forget that I really loved you, keep hoping that one day, in heaven, we'll meet again and nothing will separate us.