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In tribute to To Elliot, my angelThanks to Christelle |
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| Elliot, my little angel, you passed away in my arms on Wednesday February 15, 2006 at 5pm. I remember December 31, 2004, when I made the trip from Paris to Aix-en-Provence to pick you up. You were in this shelter and I fell in love with your little face that I'd seen on the Internet. So I decided to give you a new life and came. Of course, you were already 8 or 9 years old, we don't really know. You'd already been abandoned several times, had ulcers on your little eyes, were gradually losing your sight, were deaf and had ear infections. But what did it matter? You'd always be better off with me than over there. When we got home, you met Tommy (little York 3 years old) and Coquette (little cat 14 years old). And then the next day, you met my mom, who we called Grandma. And then time went by. You suffered from severe separation anxiety due to your abandonments, despite all the love and tenderness I could give you. You had arthritis and a prostate. You also had tremors. At times, incontinence also set in. So I preferred to put you out of your misery by putting you to sleep at the vet's. Although you could have lived a few more years, you were very disturbed psychologically and physically, and it was getting hard for you at times. I'm so sorry, my angel. Then, five days later, I came to pick you up at the vet's for your cremation. There you were, in a blue body bag, cold, hard, motionless, lifeless, no longer breathing, your little heart no longer beating, no emotions, no feelings, no notion of the past, the present, nothing. I kept my hand on your rigid little body all the way, stroking you and talking to you. Hoping that all this was just a nightmare and that I'd wake up. But I didn't. We arrived at the crematorium. I kept a few hairs of your beautiful fur. One last collection, one last caress, one last farewell. The man took your little body, which was beginning to defrost, and put you in the oven. It's so hard. Then we waited. Then the man took your bones, all destroyed, and sifted them to turn them into ashes. And now you're nothing but ashes. We put you in a little urn. That's all that's left of you. How hard it is. The man said you must have had cancer because you had a black lump that was hard to burn, which he said was a sign of cancer. I know you had prostate cancer, so maybe prostate cancer. Anyway, you're gone now. My life is so empty and uninteresting. Every time you looked at me with your big eyes, it was an ocean of love that I took in my face. I miss you so much. Since that day, February 15, my life has stopped. I count the hours and the days. Every time I go for a walk with Tommy, I can't help but pass by the vet, where you fell asleep forever. I cry, all I can think of is you, every day, every hour. Every evening, I say to myself, "Great, another day less to live". Yes, my angel, I too can't wait to die so I can come and join you. To feel your soft fur as I caress you, to smell your scent, to see your big, loving eyes again. Oh yes, I can't wait. But I can't leave Tommy. That's what keeps me on this earth. Although Tommy is quite different from you. He's all play and fooling around. And you, all you wanted was to be cuddled and loved. You've joined Coquette, who died 5 days before you. When I look up at the sky, I imagine you and all my little pets playing and frolicking together. I imagine you happy, surrounded by greenery, sunshine and love. I wish it were real. I beg your pardon, my angel, I miss you so much. I wish I could be with you. I'll never forget you. You'll be engraved in my heart until the end of time. You'll always be my papy tuft, my tuft, my yoyote, my little yote. You'll always be my little Elliot that I loved so much. I always told myself that you were an angel who had strayed to earth and suffered human cruelty. And now you're back where you came from. In angel heaven. I love you, my angel. Don't forget me, because I'll never forget you and no one can ever replace you. I can't wait to join you. And on that day, nothing and no one can ever separate us again. Not illness, not money, not people. We'll be together for eternity. I don't know when, or under what circumstances I'll die, or if I'll be conscious at the time, but I know that when I close my eyes for the last time, it'll be your image that accompanies me. I ask you once again to forgive me, my angel, and that I love you and will love you until my last breath. Godspeed to you all, up there, in the land of the stars. |
English (United Kingdom)